Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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