I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
