so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
