I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
