Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
