What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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