Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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