i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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