yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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