Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
