He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
