would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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