there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
