If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
