Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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