I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
