yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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