your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
