I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
