Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
