she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize