AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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