and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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