yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
