Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
