At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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