Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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