I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't deserve a penis
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
