well I can't set my house on fire every night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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