look no pants
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
