I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
