All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
