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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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