Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
