Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
