just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
