He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
