Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
