i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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