Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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