He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
