I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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