What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
