I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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