Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
