We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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