I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
