Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
