well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
