If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That was before I lit my hair on fire
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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