I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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