Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
