I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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