I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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