Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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