All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
