Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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