so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
