is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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