then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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