On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
