booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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