This dress was meant to end up on your floor
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
