No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
