What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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