If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
