wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
