The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
