I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
