I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
