And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
