I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
