You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
