if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
