bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
