After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
