Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
