Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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