no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
