I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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