Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
