zippers are such a cool invention
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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