so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
