6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there was a trapeze. enough said
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
