I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
