im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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