Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
