he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
