just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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