D3 body, D1 cock
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
