Swine flu. Run for my life!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
