I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
