Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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