just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
