I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
