I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have feelings that need drinking.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
