Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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