I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
