1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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