Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
only you would photoshop your dick
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
