Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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